Go to a Starbucks. Walk up to the napkin box. Grab a napkin. Then grab another one. Then another. And another. Until you’re holding all the napkins, and everyone’s attention.
Go to McD's. Order a dollar meal. Say “Can I get that for 50 cents?”. Then “Ok, ok, 75 cents, take it or leave it.” Walk into a clothing store, grab a bunch of hangers, and leave.
These are all incredibly asshole things to do.
In many ways, we’re scared of cringe - of social disapproval; of being weird. I, raised chinese, had nightmares about this kind of stuff. In middle school, I used to be afraid of calling folks, just because it might be a wrong number. But I’ve noticed that the most successful do-ers lean into the cringe - they’ve desensitized themselves to rejection. They’re willing to cold-call, to hound; to create opportunities, not just pursue them.
And there’s something unique - dare I say it, disruptive - about the simple personality trait of being immune to social judgement.
A group of friends and I went to a theme park. Three of us went to queue for tickets; the fourth disappeared. She came back, grinning ear to ear.
"Here's four tickets."
"Huh? Where'd you get those?"
"Oh, I just stood by the exit and asked a family if I could have their tickets."
"..."
My brain didn't even realize you could do that.
Do you ever get a “eek” when you send a cold email, or chat with someone new? Have you ever thought about what that little bit of friction has stopped you from doing; from discovering?
I think that as my risk tolerance has grown over time, so has my openness to new experiences, and to growth. As I became desensitized to cringe, brand new vistas opened up. When I travel, I cold-email Stanford alumni to see if they'd let me crash on their couch. At first, I thought this was an original idea. Now, it's just an obvious one.
In contrast, I think folks constantly inhibit themselves from developing their potential, simply because they're waiting for society's permission to act.
I see this a lot when I mentor. Undergrads are waiting for a PhD, instead of just publishing papers themselves. They're looking for internships, instead of having one made for them.
It’s fruit from the same tree - microdoses of social fear. The best way to desensitize is to lean into it. Do it. Step on people’s toes. Piss people off. Go to Starbucks, or McDonalds, or a mall, and try out something crazy.
There’s this really cool game called Rejection Therapy, which has a whole bunch of stuff you can do. Request a lower interest rate for a credit card. Ask for a discount on the next thing you buy. Convince a stranger you know them.
I’ve been playing this game, and trading dares with friends. Jeez - the first time someone went “Man, are you crazy??” was a bit awkward. The third time felt exciting. The fifth; well, it was getting old. Cold calling? Well, that’s a breeze.
Push your limits, lean into the cringe, and grow. (But don’t go overboard; please don’t be an asshole.)